She graced my life for thirty-six years. And now she’s gone. I didn’t know her hug on July 9 would have to last a lifetime. My sweet, beautiful, wonderful, only sister, Laura.
I’m the first of eight siblings. Laura was the eighth, and there are six brothers in between us. Losing any of my siblings would be hard. This one, though, is especially so. It has been a soulful time these past few weeks.
At first there was hope, then not so much.
On the physical side, she was in the best possible place she could be and had the best surgeon and medical team she could possibly have.
On the spiritual side, there were Archangels, powerful healers, and the Master…and grandma…all with her, working on her.
On the human side, there were literally hundreds from all faiths and traditions sending love, prayers, and healing.
And even with ALL that POWERFUL healing energy, know-how and support, it was not enough to restore Laura on this earthly, bodily plane.
So what is the purpose and role of prayer? of sending love? of sending blessing? Does it affect or help the person we’re praying for? Or is it more for our benefit, our growth? Or both?
Love and pain open the heart and soul. There is no greater teacher or catalyst than our experience. There are also no shortcuts if that is what’s required of us. Tears are cleansing, emotional clearing, and cathartic.
Sometimes hard things happen…painful, personal, tearful things that cause us to re-examine and question long-held beliefs… And those common things people say when something like this happens, some of them just don’t work or feel good, or right anymore.
Soulful days are bringing up different awareness, questions, possibilities–about our souls and spirits and bodies, about our relationship with our divine Source, our life purpose and the roles we play–and how much choice and participation we play in all the unfoldings in this life and on the other side.
When all our love and prayers and powerful healers on both physical and spiritual planes still ended in Laura’s passing, there had and has to be something greater and more compelling and powerful at play…as in Sacred Contracts, life purpose, the work her soul came here to do.
I researched and wrote a paper on reincarnation once. Here’s what I learned. We have two bodies; a physical one and a spirit one. The spirit one is eternal ; the physical ones are the forms we take, our vehicles, through our earthly lifetimes. Before we’re born, we come with a purpose and a plan and we choose elements of our lifetime. We don’t remember these when we’re born…except that we have an internal guidance system, a direct connection to our Source, and we are guided and led and learn. These physical lifetimes are where we grow spiritually, where we evolve. We also come with others we’ve known before in other lifetimes. And we have guides. Some are people we’ve known here who have crossed over…. Like Laura…
The song playing when she transitioned: I’m Your Angel…
I know she’s fine. It still hurts on this human side, though. Sometimes, the tears just flow and I let them. And then I’m okay again…for awhile.
One more clarifying shift came to me in this: A friend kept saying, ‘God did this and has his reasons.’ And I found myself saying, ‘Laura did this; it was and is part of her soul’s work here and on the other side, and in the lives of all those she touched.’ If we are co-creators of our lives, then the Divine Sacred, Mother of Compassion and Love, is not one who does stuff to us and has her reasons. On a soul level, we are part of the choices and outcomes. Our Spirit is always part of and connected to our Divine Source.
There will be more coming on that, I think. It feels like there’s more. That piece, though, that we own our lives and have choices, always, lifted, opened, felt good, released, connected something that felt ajar.
These are still soulful days…and they will be for a while. In the breaking open of hearts, with love and tears, growth happens, change happens…we deepen, I deepen.
I know that I love my sister so much. And I know that if she were here living her earthly life, and had a dream or a desire to go somewhere and help a lot of people, doing what she loves, being all of her awesomeness self, I would love her and wholeheartedly be in her corner. And I am…even though I miss her voice and hugs and all the other sister stuff.
Everyday goddesses are not spared tears and human hurts. Whatever our path, we grow through our heart and love connections. And that’s what I know for now. Hug those you love.
Enjoy the moments. – Anne
PS For myself and others going through soulful days, searching, asking soulful questions, self-exploring, I drafted a Tuesday Grace Groups opportunity for some conversations of substance. I look forward to opening a group when the time comes. Take care.